Looks like class. Spends like chaos.

For when you want to give someone the perfect gift…

but also have no idea what they like, or who they really are.

This gift card looks suspiciously refined—like it might unlock a designer fragrance or a 5-star spa.

Instead, it leads straight to dick-patterned shirts, elegant filth, and deeply stupid products disguised as taste.

It’s the ideal option for:

• Last-minute legends
• Funny friends with good taste and bad judgment
• Coworkers you can’t roast out loud
• People you kind of like but don’t know well enough to risk the dick covered shirt directly.

Delivered instantly (because you forgot), the Absurd Gift Card is available in a range of denominations for maximum irresponsibility.

Give the gift of delightful regret.